I HATE IT...

Happy Holi~day to me... I am suppose to be happy tis holiday because I taught I got tat internship but I didnt get it... Really hurt... I hate people give me HOPE.....!!!!!!

so wat i had been doin for past 2 days?
- SLEEP
- FASTING
- Watch TV
- and DO nothing...

I really really really hate this... want to go out, dunno where to go and nobody accompany me.. serious shit man...

I really dont understand what happen to me... lost my relationship... lost my internship... and i get shit... haiz...

okla... all muslim happy fasting...

n Q, if u read this which i dun think she do,
I am really really miss and love u dear... i tggu sampai hati u terbuka... insyallah.. i believe tat..


Whats in my mind now...
- S$12,000
- Honda CVR, Chevrolet Captiva and Lexus RX
- Part time jobs
- thinking of losing weight BUT... 2012...
- Q

One after another

After almost a week of thinking about Q, i finally met up wif her.. So... Settle..! Im still wif her la... but will promise not tat active relationship....

Next problem, this is oso hurt me as i really wants this first for INCOME and also EXPERIENCE...

i got this from Zek Hazley:

Man,

I regret to inform you that you have not been selected for this round of IEP.

Seriously, wat happen to me sia....?! From one problem to another....!!!!

Ya Allah, Kau aje yang tahu ape aku rase sekarang....

confuse on my decision

new day means new day for me to solve my problem... I dunno wat q is thinkin, maybe she thinks it had been solve, but not for me...

I decide to meet kak zaty for advise honestly im still not stable... Met kak ty at yishun, n gt a call tat Q saw me n kak ty... Ok fine...

kak ty's advise me if i want, play game... Means in front of her parent, say we broke up but when at back, we are... Ok im thinking of tat... Bt i know q wont agree, she abit stuborn n nvr give in... After a while, abg wan n abg J came.

Abg wan's advise, i just forget her. Since she know her promises with her parent, why she having rltsp at first place.? Now she hurting someone... I think of tat, maybe abg wan is riTe oso...

When lepaking wif them n eating kuaci, i keep thinking... If i follow wat abg wan say, i dun haf the heart to do tat... If i follow kak ty, q wont agree...

Love is complicated. Life is hard. Any thing happen, decision is on my hand... Wat i can see, abg wan, abg J n kak ty really concern abt my relationship... I dunno why tis must happen?

I haf no conclusion yet, my pray is tat i can save my relationship n hope can meet q n haf a talk wif her... Amin

wats my feeling now...

Alrite... First of all, I am facing new thing in RP which EXAM... !@#$ 90mins, long sia... ok fine.. do-able... after that went CWP for breakfast + lunch... den went arcade.. thnx Felly, Dino, gareth, Faizal.. U guys cheer me up... My mood was fine after tat...

Accompany Dad to toa payoh... tat's where my bloody fucking bad mood come back.. Y..? my memories with Q was there... same place... I tahan... but i cant... Fetch mom and went CWP again.. I know my mood was still bad.. i feel like I'm Zombie walking at that CWP... Mkn at Banquet... I force myself not to msg her... when walking at level one, I tot i saw q at the escalator actually not her.. BUT when i turns towards KFC, i saw Q... my heart was like....*cant describe* She looks normal..like nothing happen.. FIne lar eh...

then at night i Called her.. she story la wat happen just now, her cat, her presentation but when my turns to talk... "hey, my mum call. I call u back.." Until now no msg from her.... AM I STUPID? seriously I DUNNO ah..

WHY?!

I received sms from Q at 11:34am

Q: "I wana sae sumthing. but i tktau u leh accept ke tk.. before i brk up dgn my exi da berjanji nt to hav any rltnship 4 d time.. bt i duno how things happentil both of us 2gether.. i just tak tahu. my family seem nt to accept u, deywan me ro jus be fren wit u.. nt more than dat. now i tak tau nk uatpe."

Me: "U wanna break up?"

Q: "tk tahu"

Me: "Y u decide to tell me today?"

Q: "I tknk u pkr yg my family dun like u"

Me: "I tk penah ckp pun yg family u tk suke i.. camner pun, i will try to win their heartkn..tapi kalo dorg btol btol btol btol da tk suke.. i cnt say anything..

Q: "Dey wan me to jus fren wif u"

Me: "Im just too weak now.. I just feel i lost everything.. give me time to think.."

At 1pm...

Q sms me and say: "till here our relationship.. thnx 4 everything.. ur love n care.. we stil cn b frens.k tc N im sorry 4 hurting u"

seriously, my heart.... cnt describe... i cnt think anything right now... i damn super weak... i just my world is dark rite now... no light...